All my life, I have felt like I’ve been wasting my youth because I’ve never had a true passion or hobby that I’m incredibly good at. I would describe myself as “a jack of all trades, master of none”. Ever since I was little, I’ve tried to search for my place in this world by trying out countless hobbies, with the ropes that I would become an expert in one of them. Softball, swimming, fencing, art, archery, piano, and violin are just a few examples. I’ve spent a lot of time associating my worth and purpose in life with whether I excel in one specific thing. I look at teens my age and my jaw drops at how much pure, natural talent they each hold. I think about how everyone I know has that one “thing” that makes them, them.
One way to internalize this feeling I’m describing would be to talk about Soul. I watched the movie Soul over the holiday break, and there was a scene that has stuck with me ever since. A character is asked why the concept and idea of life is so scary, and they respond by explaining that they feel their life would be a waste because they don’t have one passion or drive that makes them worthy of living. When I heard this through the screen, I felt like I was in the movie. I felt like I was that character, answering the question.
What I’ve realized though, is that the purpose and meaning of life is not to associate your happiness with one thing. I applaud those who are heavily involved in their passions and hobbies but being really good at just one thing should never determine your worth. Kurt Vonnegut said this a lot more elegantly. It’s a lengthy quote, but definitely with a read. It has completely changed my perspective on life.
“When I was 15, I spent a month working on an archeological dig. I was talking to one of the archeologists one day during our lunch break and he asked those kinds of “getting to know you” questions you ask young people: Do you play sports? What’s your favorite subject? And I told him, no I don’t play any sports. I do theatre, I’m in choir, I play the violin and piano, I used to take art classes. And he went WOW. That’s amazing! And I said, “Oh no, but I’m not good at ANY of them. And he said something that I will never forget and which absolutely blew my mind because no one had ever said anything like it to me before: “I don't think being good at things is the point of doing them. I think you’ve got all these wonderful experiences with different skills, and that all teaches you things and makes you an interesting person, no matter how well you do them.” And that honestly changed my life. Because I went from a failure, someone who hadn’t been talented enough at anything to excel, to someone who did things because I enjoyed them. I had been raised in such an achievement-oriented environment, so inundated with the myth of talent, that I thought it was only worth doing things if you could “Win” at them.”
A lot of days, I get down on myself because I feel like I’m not good at anything, and I think about how I feel like I'm doing nothing with the time I’m given on Earth. Life is more than associating your worth and happiness with one hobby. There is beauty in the simplicity of life, the moments you have, and the people you meet. Life isn’t supposed to be so one dimensional and hyper-focused on one thing. Life and living mean a variety of things.
- Ari (art below by Izzy!)
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